(xmas jokes...like last year)
An elderly couple was sitting together, watching their favourite
Saturday night TV program.
During one of those commercial breaks, the husband asked his wife,
"Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long, thoughtful silence, the wife, during the next
commercial break, replied, "You know, I don't even think we got a
Christmas card from them this year."
Happy Christmas!
Moderators: Moderator5, Moderator3, FECC-Moderator, Site Mechanic
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
Delboy
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
tupelo_boy
- Posts: 2044
- Registered for: 21 years
- Location: Manchester UK
- Has thanked: 621 times
- Been thanked: 67 times
- Age: 63
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
ColinB
- Posts: 29384
- Registered for: 21 years
- Location: Gravesend, UK
- Has thanked: 73 times
- Been thanked: 101 times
- Contact:
Not sure what you're on about, Carolyn, but whatever it is, I was on holiday at the time.carolynlm wrote:it's not the WORST joke that has appeared on this board...what was that guys name now Kev,...you know the one that made me mad?
Now he was a joke!!!!
And I can prove it.
Colin B
Judge a man not by his answers, but by his questions - Voltaire
Judge a man not by his answers, but by his questions - Voltaire
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
tupelo_boy
- Posts: 2044
- Registered for: 21 years
- Location: Manchester UK
- Has thanked: 621 times
- Been thanked: 67 times
- Age: 63
-
iamhekev
Topic author - Posts: 1396
- Registered for: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Highlands of Scotland
- Age: 60
- Contact:
-
Delboy
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
-
Scott Haigh 781990EP
- Posts: 1360
- Registered for: 18 years 5 months
- Location: Down in the alley, Australia
- Been thanked: 5 times
- Age: 33
- Contact:
-
Walter Hale 4
- Posts: 17552
- Registered for: 18 years 1 month
- Has thanked: 4839 times
- Been thanked: 3674 times
Re: Happy Christmas!
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.