Chat talk and light discussion

Happy Christmas!

Thu Nov 17, 2005 7:12 am

(xmas last year)

An elderly couple was sitting together, watching their favourite
Saturday night TV program.
During one of those commercial breaks, the husband asked his wife,
"Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long, thoughtful silence, the wife, during the next
commercial break, replied, "You know, I don't even think we got a
Christmas card from them this year."

Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:33 am

If its that bad...i have the record,taking from last year winner on the same (type) tread....DEL BOY. :lol:

Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:48 am

And a happy new year to you all.....
Last edited by iamhekev on Fri Nov 18, 2005 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:42 am


Rest assured that I have been up for the last 72 hours trying to come up with a worse Christmas joke, but even I'm struggling!

Watch this space......... :smt114

Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:57 am

Get to your bed Delboy :P

Fri Nov 18, 2005 11:29 am

Just remember Delboy, Santa only comes once a year!! And if you're a bad boy you might get lucky!!! :shock: :wink:


Fri Nov 18, 2005 11:37 am

I here when Santa came last year - He filled Rusty's stocking :shock:


Fri Nov 18, 2005 12:19 pm

tupelo_boy wrote:I here when Santa came last year - He filled Rusty's stocking :shock:


You heard right tupelo, But I can't fit in that Santa suit anymore!!!


Fri Nov 18, 2005 12:27 pm

Happy new year everybody! :D

Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:11 am

DEL...not like you to be slow on the uptake?. :wink:

Thu Nov 24, 2005 7:45 am

More than 72 hours zzzzzzzzzzzz :P

Thu Nov 24, 2005 12:38 pm

carolynlm wrote:it's not the WORST joke that has appeared on this board...what was that guys name now Kev, know the one that made me mad?
Now he was a joke!!!!

Not sure what you're on about, Carolyn, but whatever it is, I was on holiday at the time.

And I can prove it.

Thu Nov 24, 2005 2:12 pm

Well...oh...i forgot now. :oops:

Thu Nov 24, 2005 10:53 pm

I'll bet if I knew in the first place I'd have forgotten by now.

What was the question?

Geoff :?

Thu Nov 24, 2005 11:18 pm

Here Geoff...

You mind what i was on in Edinburgh that weekend...if not we were of on a pub crawl.

God i am confused now...

Another clue for ya.

Goldmine records...and i found it as well, that 4 days i was in your part of the world.

Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:12 am

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.

The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:


  "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

:smt114 :smt114 :smt114

Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:21 am

ha ha! best laugh i've had in a while. good one