Chat talk and light discussion
Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:56 pm
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real l
Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:50 pm
Interesting list !
41] In those period films, when they carry gold coins in a little bag with drawstrings at the top, they never have to open them to count the money out. Whatever they have to pay for always comes to the exact amount they have and they simply toss over the complete bag.
42] If anyone fast-forwards a tape, you can always hear a speeded up sound, even though all the players you've ever owned do this silently.
43] When a murder happens, the detectives were never in the middle of another case.
44] If the lead actor meets an attractive girl, she's always free and available.
45] If ever a fan or air vent is shown, it always has little pieces of ribbon attached so you can see when its blowing.
46] Americans never lock their cars.
Wed Oct 19, 2005 2:23 pm
47) people can throw other people a lot farther than a normal person can.
48) in a horror film, the pretty girl will die fairly soon.
49) films taking place in other countries all have everybody speaking english. if the film is in a non-english country, american actors will be said to be out of place, but british actors are correct...when both are actually equally out-of-place.
50) people can jump in the air in slow-motion or shoot bullets that move really slow.
51) when people need a special ability to get something done, somebody in the group knows how to do it.
52) if it's a drama or a horror flick and people are really happy--something really bad is about to happen.
Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:19 am
53] In a war film, if a soldier on guard duty starts talking about his family or girlfriend back home, he is about to get a sniper's bullet or be garrotted !
54] In an American 'boy-meets-girl' film, at some point she will unveil a new haircut or outfit by doing a "Da da" fanfare.
Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:51 am
55) If a rich guy pretends to be poor when working at a boating place, he always wins the race he enters - and gets the girl.
56) If a poor guy working at a hotel in Las Vegas enters a race, he always wins - and gets the girl.
57) If a guy goes to work on a dude ranch he gets mixed up in a plot out of Scobby Doo - and gets the girl.
58) If a doctor goes to work in a ghetto he falls in love with a nun - and (almost) gets her in the end (doesn't he?)
59) If a soldier makes a bet that he can stay in the apartment of a sexy nightclub dancer all night, he eventually wins - and gets the girl.
60) If a singer on a riverboat falls out with his girlfriend called Frankie, he always wins her back in the end - hence he gets the girl.
Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:07 am
61) Most actors can have roles in 31 flavors (literally in elvis' case) of the same or their roles will differentiate like workforce Barbies.
62) If the movie is written by Dan Aykroyd it will be either a supernatural comedy or a movie with a lot of or very specialized cars. No exceptions.
63) Anorexics can be superwomen in fight scenes, if the script says so.
Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:35 pm
64) When brushing your teeth you will never get toothpaste anywhere except on your teeth.
65) You will always be able to get the best seat in the best restaurant in town at 8pm on a Saturday night without booking.
66) When you and your lover are making love the lights will dim and take on a reddish hue without you having to move.
67) You will always have a fully stocked fridge.
68) If you return from work exhausted and turn on your CD player the next song will be a ballad.
69) If you get a Chinese takeaway, regardless of what you order, it will always be Chow Mein when you get home......
Sun Oct 23, 2005 2:23 am
it will always be Chow Mein when you get home......
Fnarr, fnarr, fnarr..