Chat talk and light discussion

Wed Oct 05, 2005 4:25 pm

Did you guys know that Paul McCartney had a bee called Larry ?? He even did a song called Larry Bee!!! :oops: :oops: :oops:

Wed Oct 05, 2005 5:03 pm

Two snowmen in a field. One says to the other "Can you smell carrots?"

Two tigers walking down Oxford Street on a Saturday afternoon. One says to the other "It's quiet for a Saturday isn't it?"

Two sausages sizzling in a pan. One says to the other "It's hot isn't it?". The other says "F*ck me! A talking sausage!"

Wed Oct 05, 2005 5:36 pm

A workman falls through the roof of an upholstery factory.

A spokesman for the firm said he wasn't seriously injured and is now completely recovered.

Boom, boom!

Geoff

Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:11 am

A boy rushes home and excitedly tells his father "Dad, I've got a part in the school play, I play the Husband" His father says "Never mind son! Next time you'll get a speaking role!"

Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:03 am

Delboy wrote:A boy rushes home and excitedly tells his father "Dad, I've got a part in the school play, I play the Husband" His father says "Never mind son! Next time you'll get a speaking role!"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Wed Oct 12, 2005 9:04 am

What do you call a high court judge with no thumbs?


Justice Fingers. :oops: :D

Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:31 am

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."

Mon Oct 24, 2005 1:04 pm

Delboy wrote:A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."


Sometimes this may happen :P :lol: :lol:

Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:52 pm

Bloody hell...this tread still got a heartbeat?.. :idea: :arrow: :twisted:

Mon Oct 24, 2005 10:14 pm

heartbeat hotel??

Well it was funny.................................. :shock: :oops:

Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:22 am

Renan wrote:heartbeat hotel??

Well it was funny.................................. :shock: :oops:


Funny than the real thing (hotel in TENN) dive of a place.

Mon Nov 07, 2005 11:31 am

A man goes to the zoo.............but when he arrives there is only a dog.................



....................It was a Shitzu! :oops: :wink:

Mon Nov 07, 2005 11:41 am

I was starving last night so sent for a pizza! I asked for a thin and crispy supreme........................






...............................They sent me Diana Ross!

Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:54 pm

A woman walks into a butchers and says "do you have any ox-tails?".

"Certainly Madam" said the butcher "Once upon a time there was this ox......"

Tue Nov 08, 2005 5:45 am

No no no....have a drink on me (tea bag)

Tommy copper to a taxi driver.

Fri Nov 18, 2005 12:55 pm

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."


You're going to love this....................




















Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"

Fri Nov 18, 2005 1:38 pm

a ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

no. not really :lol:

Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:17 pm

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were
swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other
Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened
by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to
Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I were
a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is
granted!" and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by
his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself
becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old friends simply
swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin realised that his
new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out
swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn't
believe his luck - he figured the fish could change him back into a
prawn. He begged the cod to change him back, so - lo and behold -
he became a prawn again.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his
friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not
involve a prawn cocktail - it's worse.)

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old
pal but he wasn't there. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the
enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture,
he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the
memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and
shouted, "It's me, Justin - your old friend! Come out and see me
again!"

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the
enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed!" (Wait for it...)





...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

:roll:

Jules

Fri Nov 25, 2005 4:58 pm

:smt018 :smt022 :smt067 :smt068 :smt070 :smt071 :smt066 :P

Sun Nov 27, 2005 5:27 am

Delboy wrote:Two snowmen in a field. One says to the other "Can you smell carrots?"




That should have been on the xmas tread Delboy :?: :!: :P :lol:

Mon Nov 28, 2005 2:09 pm

Where does Kylie Minogue buy her kebabs from??

Jason's Donnervan! :oops: :wink:

Mon Nov 28, 2005 2:24 pm

Delboy wrote:Where does Kylie Minogue buy her kebabs from??

Jason's Donnervan! :oops: :wink:


:smt072 :smt065 :smt063 :smt074

Jules

Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:25 pm

Its now between Delboy and Jules...

(bad stuff boys....keep them a coming) :P :wink:

Mon Nov 28, 2005 7:37 pm

...Sorry...for the wasted band-width...

Tue Dec 13, 2005 2:17 pm

A 4' 11" fortune teller has escaped from Belmarsh Prison.

The headline in the local paper was "Small Medium at Large". :oops: