Chat talk and light discussion

!?.

Sun Sep 11, 2005 4:53 pm

This place closed,or just dying a slow death!?.

Sun Sep 11, 2005 8:39 pm

Okay Kev. I'll start the chat-talk rebirth with one of my renowned gags...

What happened to the hyena who fell into a pot of gravy?

He made a laughing stock of himself! :( :wink:

Sun Sep 11, 2005 8:44 pm

If you think that was crap wait 'till you hear this!!!!

What do you call a Bee that can't make it's mind up??

A Maybe!
:oops:

Sun Sep 11, 2005 9:43 pm

Why don't cannibals eat clowns??



Becase they taste funny.

Tom

Sun Sep 11, 2005 10:08 pm

I refuse to be beaten when it comes to crap jokes......

What do you call a fish with no eye?












FSH!!!! :oops:

Mon Sep 12, 2005 1:17 am

Add to the thread title...PAINFUL DEATH.


:P

Mon Sep 12, 2005 1:37 pm

They get worse Kev!

A man goes to his doctor and says he believes he may be going deaf.

The doctor says: "So what are the symptoms?"

The man says, "they are a cartoon family with yellow heads - what's that got to do with it?"

Mon Sep 12, 2005 3:44 pm

What do you call a dog with no legs??















Doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

Tom

Tue Sep 13, 2005 12:37 pm

A man walks into the impressario's office and says he can imitate all kinds of birds.
The impressario tells him there is no need for that anymore, hence the man opens the window and fly away.

Tue Sep 13, 2005 3:47 pm

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell in the lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself??

Tom

Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:52 am

no i'm deaf

oh but i'm not blind, so i can read it

Wed Sep 14, 2005 12:35 pm

When I read these jokes (God, I hate to call them that) by Tom and Delboy......

Why does this picture come to mind?

Image

Wed Sep 14, 2005 1:40 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Wed Sep 14, 2005 4:18 pm

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not
just an athlete . . . she is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive
Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer.

It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
Picabo, ICU.


Tom

Wed Sep 14, 2005 4:31 pm

Would you like to hear a couple of doosies I heard?

Okay, there they are.....DOOSIE DOOSIE :lol:


Guess who I saw on the highyway this morning?

Everybody I looked at!

:lol:

Wed Sep 14, 2005 5:16 pm

.....and you guys thought mine were bad??

Tom

Thu Sep 15, 2005 12:08 am

I forgive you everything :wink: :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:51 am

Tom,

You'd be suprised just how funny those sound to a convention of hardware salesmen after they've had 75-100 shots of bourbon LMAO :lol:

What's the difference?

Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:29 pm

What's the difference between a car and a giraffe?



A car has hydraulics



...and a giraffe has high bollocks

It's the way I tell 'em. Thank you, I'm here all week.

Mon Sep 19, 2005 6:19 pm

A jumbo jet is coming into Tampa Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom.
Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.
The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Tampa?"
Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge boobs out for dinner. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room, and put it to her big time all night."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile, the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a sh*t first."

Tue Sep 20, 2005 11:50 am

:lol:

Thu Sep 22, 2005 12:35 pm

A woman had been in a coma for months. One day, nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what had happened, telling him, "Crazy as it sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of her coma!" The husband was somewhat sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes, the woman's monitor flat-lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think she choked on it!"

Fri Sep 23, 2005 5:38 pm

Oh for the day"s of TOMMY COOPER & GEORGE BURN"S.















:wink:

Fri Sep 23, 2005 7:38 pm

Delboy wrote:A woman had been in a coma for months. One day, nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what had happened, telling him, "Crazy as it sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of her coma!" The husband was somewhat sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes, the woman's monitor flat-lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think she choked on it!"


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Wed Oct 05, 2005 4:22 pm

OK... I´m always criticized for bad jokes too....... :lol: :lol: Let me try if I can translate this one:

What is the animal that eats with its tail ????

















All of them... There are no animals that takes their tails off to eat! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :oops: :oops: :oops: