Off Topic Messages

Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:53 am

:smt003 :smt003

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Thu Feb 06, 2014 6:15 am

Now that's funny right there. :smt003 :smt003

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Thu Feb 06, 2014 2:55 pm

TCB-FAN wrote:Now that's funny right there. :smt003 :smt003

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Yeah, lol :D

Re: Joke Of The Day

Wed Feb 12, 2014 1:57 am

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:18 pm

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Wed Feb 12, 2014 11:49 pm

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"

:smt005 :smt005 :smt005 :smt003 :smt003 :smt003

Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue Mar 25, 2014 3:24 am

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies, “Yes.”

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, “For best results, put on two coats.”


:smt005 :smt005 :smt003 :smt003 :smt043 :smt043

Re: Joke Of The Day

Fri Mar 28, 2014 11:20 pm

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:13 pm

She screams "Get out of my house!" He moves to the door. She says "I hope you die a slow painful death!" He turns and says. "So now you want me to stay?"

Re: Joke Of The Day

Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:05 am

:mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:10 am

TCB-FAN wrote::mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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Good one!

:smt003 :smt003 :smt003

Re: Joke Of The Day

Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:11 am

Mountain Misst wrote:
TCB-FAN wrote::mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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Good one!

:smt003 :smt003 :smt003



So true..lol

Re: Joke Of The Day

Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:16 am

:smt003

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:25 am

LOL, she should have slapped him right there, :smt003 :smt003 :smt003 :smt003 :smt003

:o :o :o

Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue Apr 15, 2014 7:38 am

Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! The one guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes!
His friend says to him "You're crazy! There's no use, do you know how fast Grizzlies are, you'll never be able to out run it!" and the guy says, "I only have to out run you!"

:smt005 :smt005 :smt005

Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:28 pm

Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in charge takes them all into a room and with a ball pen draws a door on the wall and asks each one of the patients to try and open the door for him as part of the test. Seven of them rushed out and attempted to open the door on the wall. The doctor was disappointed with the results but never the less call on the last one who was still sitting down and asked him why didn’t he stand up and try to open the door with the others. The eighth man replied: “because I was holding the key to the door”

:smt003 :smt003 :smt003

Re: Joke Of The Day

Wed Apr 16, 2014 5:39 pm

i approached a lady walking down the street with her dog. I said "Man, that's the ugliest dog i've ever seen!" She replied "Really?" and i said "I was talking to the dog!" :smt005


I was singing in a club one night and in between songs i told the audience "Ladies and Gentlemen, i am pleased to announce that Dolly Parton is in the audience tonight sitting right in the back" The houselights came on and i was embarassed...it was two bald headed men sitting together! :smt005

Re: Joke Of The Day

Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:45 pm

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"



:smt005 :smt005 :smt005 :smt003 :smt003 :smt003

Re: Joke Of The Day

Thu Apr 24, 2014 7:30 am

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we're tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here...
better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

:smt005 :smt005 :smt005

Re: Joke Of The Day

Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:10 pm

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:10 am

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Thu May 22, 2014 7:36 am

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue May 27, 2014 2:41 am

Three couples—one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed—apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.

After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. “No problem at all, Pastor,” replies the old man.

“Congratulations!” says the pastor. “Welcome to the church.” He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. “It was difficult,” replies the husband. “By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it.”

“Congratulations on overcoming temptation,” says the pastor. “Welcome to the church.” He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.

“At first it was no problem,” says the husband. “But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”

“You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church,” says the pastor.

“We know,” says the young man. “We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either.”


:smt005 :smt005 :smt005

Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue May 27, 2014 8:04 am

LOL TCB-FAN :D :D :D

Re: Joke Of The Day

Tue May 27, 2014 4:03 pm

Mountain Misst wrote:LOL TCB-FAN :D :D :D



LOL Right back at ya Missty ! :) :) :smt005 :smt005 :smt005 :smt003 :smt003 :smt003 :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :smt006 :smt006 :smt006 :smt043 :smt043 :smt043 :smt042 :smt042 :smt042 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 smt138 smt138 smt174 smt174 smt174