Sat Mar 19, 2011 2:02 am
Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:41 am
Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:09 am
drjohncarpenter wrote:Diamond was really weird on VH1 "Storytellers."
Neil: Hello, everyone. They told me before I came on this show, that I was supposed to tell the stories behind my most popular songs, and then play them. I said, "Cool let's do it!" But, Gary over here was a little shy..
Gary the Bass Player: Now, come on, Neil, give me a break, man.
Neil: Ah, ha ha ha ha! This first song.. [ Kenny the Keyboard Player intros "Sweet Caroline", crowd applauds ] Thank you. That, of course, "Sweet Caroline". I wrote that song after a big show at the Forum. Gary and I had been drinking pretty heavily, and we were driving..
Gary: [ worried ] Oh, I can't believe you're gonna tell this story..
Neil: Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah, well, we were driving down this dark road, and I hit a kid. [ the crowd is stunned ] So, we got out, and sure enough he was dead. So, we just took off. Pretty fast. And, two hours later, I wrote "Sweet Caroline". Sweet Caroline. Good times never seemed so good. Thank you.
[ crowd struggles to applaud, still stunned by the story ]
Neil: It gets crazy on the road, and awful lonely. That's why I love pornography. This next song is all about my love of hardcore, barely-legal pornography. Gary knows what I'm talking about.
Gary: Yeaaahhh, he likes that really weird porno you can't send through the mail. I'll be honest. It ain't cool, it creeps out the whole band.
Neil: Well, my bizarre, insatiable, and downright dangerous sexual habits led me to write this song. [ Kenny intros "Cracklin' Rosie" ] Oh, Cracklin' Rose, get on board. We're gonna ride 'til there ain't no more to go. We're takin' it slow. Let's all do the best we can. And I can turn invisible if I really try-y hard! [ crowd barely applauds ] Uh, I can't quite remember how that one goes. I-I gotta admit, I'm a little high. Kenny over here gave me some dynamite pills.
Kenny the Keyboard Player: Hey, come on, man..
Neil: Hey! Cool out! Just everyone cool out. COOL OUT!! [ pause ] This next song, you all might like. Few people know that I am fueled creatively by my massive hatred of immigrants. [ Kenny intros "America" ] Gary and I have gone on for hours about how much we hate foreignors. Right, Gary?
Gary: Leave me out of this, man.
Neil: NO, I WILL LEAVE YOU IN!! [ back to story ] Well, my love of this great and beautiful nation, and my hatred of all people with dark skin, led me to write this. On the boats and on the trains. They're coming to America. Never looking back again. Just do the best you can! You hate your keyboard player because he's black! Never had the courage to tell him sooo--AAUUGGHH!! AAUUGGH!! OW!!
Kenny: Hey, man, you're a wreck!
Neil: Ow! Come on.. I think I tore some stitches. Come on, Gary, help me out..
Gary: No, that's enough, Neil, man, you gotta chill out.
Neil: I'll smack you in the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond!
Kenny: Okay, that's it, I'm gone. That's it. [ Kenny and members of the crowd exit ]
Neil: Wait! This next song, I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection. [ more members of the crowd exit ] Forever in blue jeans.. Where you goin'? Do the best you can. Reach for the stars like a champion. John Elway finally won--AAUUGGHH!! I put clown make-up on my penis, blue jeans. AAUUGGHH, AAUUGHH!!
Gary: Neil, Neil.. Come on, it's over. Let's go, buddy.
Neil: Ow! My heart! My, my ass! My heart and ass hurt. [ Gary pulls Neil off the stage, fade to title ]
Announcer: [ Music Outro: "I Am..I Said" ] This has been VH-1 Storytellers, with Neil Diamond.
Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:54 am
Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:51 am
elvissessions wrote:For folks who don't get the joke, here's a video of some clips.
Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:29 am
Mon Mar 21, 2011 6:48 am
Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:48 pm
thefunkyangel wrote:Man, I just watched half of it! What can I say?!!!
It was like watching a train wreck!
Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:00 pm
thefunkyangel wrote:Man, I just watched half of it! What can I say?!!! It was like watching a train wreck!
Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:36 pm
Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:47 pm
Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:54 pm
Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:56 pm
Trevell wrote:I have a new found respect for Neil. Brilliant speech!
Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:54 pm
Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:21 pm
Trevell wrote:I have a new found respect for Neil. Brilliant speech!
Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:35 pm
Robt wrote:At last ...
Neil's acceptance speech is on youtube and it's a GEM.
HE really "doesn't give a sh*t" LOL
Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:59 pm
Swingin-Little-Guitar-Man wrote:Respect for that? You'd love the aug/sep 74 Elvis shows then.
I have to say, although I'm not really a Neil fan, I respect his importance very much and find this clip quite sad to watch. I was kinda waiting for the booing (which miraculously didn't start, but was about to) and felt sorry for paul Simon who stood there with the kinda plastic smile that hides: "Oh fuuck, he's pissing his reputation away right there in front of me!"
A disturbing ten minutes.
Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:47 am
drjohncarpenter wrote:Robt wrote:At last ...
Neil's acceptance speech is on youtube and it's a GEM.
HE really "doesn't give a sh*t" LOL
It's not a "train wreck."
Diamond is a 70 year-old man now. Neil's a few sheets to the wind, but he's just having fun.
His words aren't mean-spirited, it's nothing like what went down with Elvis at the Las Vegas Hilton in September 1974.
Neil's also aware that there is NO time limit on acceptance speeches for the RaRHoF ceremony.
Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:55 am
javilu wrote:Will Ferrel was very funny as Neil.
Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:56 am
ian wrote:
Elvis was just responding,rightfully so,to the mean spirited lies being written and said about him!
Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:28 am
Tue Mar 22, 2011 3:05 am
Tue Mar 22, 2011 3:24 am
nod3million wrote:I think Neil had a good few drinks before that speech, its not like him to be like that. Well not in public anyway.
Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:11 am
ian wrote:Elvis was just responding,rightfully so,to the mean spirited lies being written and said about him!
Tue Mar 22, 2011 5:11 am
Trevell wrote:I have a new found respect for Neil. Brilliant speech!
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