Off Topic Messages

Running for President

Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:23 am

Folks, after deep consideration I've decided to formally announce my candidacy for president. Here's my platform:

1.) Solving the illegal immigration problem: If elected, I will declare Mexico to be the 51rst state. They won't want to come here if they're technically already here. Then we can get rid of their corrupt politicians, and install our own! The people will have no problem with it. If the Mexican government (hardy, har, har ) doesn't like it I'll just declare war.... or maybe just declare victory! Besides they have oil!

2.) Women in combat: As president I would not only allow women to serve in combat units, I'd organize all-women units based upon the women's menstrual cycles. So all gals who are PMSin' in, say, July, would be a front line combat platoon in July. A fiercer fighting force you'll never find.

3.) I would decriminalize pot so our law enforcement agencies can concentrate on the hard stuff, and our courts and prisons won't be clogged with stoners. Besides, it makes a great campaign slogan: A vote for Dube is a vote for doobie!

4.) War on terror: I'd use the Chicago way. Remember Connery's speech in The Untouchables? "They send one of yours to the hospital you send one of theirs to the morgue!" That's my philosophy for fighting terrorism in a nutshell.

5.) An Elvis gitmo. Any American who talks up the Beatles over Elvis goes to this gulag! They will be released only when they can answer Colin's Elvis quizzes correctly.

6.) Abortion: The militant feminists need to stand down on this issue, since it really doesn't concern them. Most of those gals are so goda#mned homely that no guy in his right mind would want to stick his wick in them in the first place.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:41 am

LMAO :lol:

right on!


Please appoint GG your Secretary of National Security

(so I can dispatch my garrisons of Palpatinian stormtroopers
to hunt down undesirables and clean up the streets)

Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:43 am

Can I be your VP Pete! :D

Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:45 am

I'll be your campaign manager...and I'll only take 50% of everything!!!


Image

Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:15 pm

The Dube Administration:

President: Pete Dube
Vice President: Big Boss Man
Secretary Of State: Eagle USA
Secretary Of Defense: Genesim
Secretary Of Agriculture: Graceland Gardener
Secretary Of Education: Curtis Simpkins
Surgon General: Dr. John Carpenter
White House Interns: Titts Mghee, Elvisgirl, and Sam
Speach Writer/White House Chief of Staff: Rob
Press Secretary: Tom In North Carolina
UN Ambassador: spectacle

Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:23 pm

My platform continued:

7.) Corporate crime: Anyone caught swindling their company for millions will be sent to real prison - not some white-collar crime country club. Let the punishment fit the crime I say. Corporate greed causing people to lose their pensions is deserving of the bast#rds getting their a$$es reamed by a Mr. T look-a-like!

8.) Dick Cheney will be barred from excercising his 2cnd amendment rights.

9.) Dick Cheney will be barred period.

10.) Dick Cheney will be barred from bars.

11.) Dick Cheney will be behind bars.

12.) Gays serving in the military openly: Heck, why not! We'll even have an exclusively all homosexual military base. We can rename Fort Bragg Fort xxx.

13.) Anyone who watches dopey reality tv (with the exception of Survivor) will have to participate in a Survivor competition. The caveat: the winners come back to the U.S., the losers stay put.

14.) Iraq: Let's start quietly evacuating civilians, allies, and our military. When everyone friendly to us is out of the country let's announce to the insurgents that we surrender. Then, when they swarm into the country and have taken over - LET'S NUKE THE F#*CKIN' PLACE! TURN IT INTO THE FORBIDDEN ZONE! Then I'll send postcards of the devastation to that north Korean a$$wipe and that Iranian pr#ck with a message on the back: My finger is on the trigger and it's itchin'!


Post edited for offensive term.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:36 pm

Response to 12.


"MEDIA, MURDER AND AMERICAN MORALITY!
TEACHING AMERICA TO ENJOY THE KILL!

A TvNewsLIES ANALYSIS

When your only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail….

Do they ever mention that in all of history only a handful of men have ever started a war, yet millions of people have died has a result?

THOU SHALT NOT KILL! So reads the moral precept that supposedly underscores the morality of a civilized society. So reads the Commandment embraced by those who believe in the guidance of a Supreme Being. And so reads the warning to those who would forget that killing is evil.

And yet, in the name of liberty and freedom, we kill. We kill those whose ideologies we oppose and those whose intentions we suspect. We defend the right kill when our leaders claim, even without validation, that it is necessary. We kill with glory and we kill with honor. We kill with shock and we kill with awe. And we call it war.

As a nation, we are the greatest killing machine the world has ever known. Our unsurpassed killing technology has been sold to the American public as a symbol of pride and superiority. Killing an enemy, real or conceived, is sold to Americans as a positive experience. Through the auspices of a media well versed in hype and promotion, a relentless campaign has been waged in this country to make us comfortable with the killing game that is war.

In the three years since the media helped George Bush & PNAC unleash his invasion on Iraq, half the nation seems to have no problem with the moral questions that are implicit in waging a war for no clear reason. In fact, they seem to have no problem at all with the continuing carnage. On the contrary, there is still an inexplicable pride in watching America at War as staged on the nightly news. One has to wonder if half the nation has any clue at all that killing for an unjustifiable reason is murder.

It’s not surprising that some of the most overwhelming weapons used against the Iraqis have such inoffensive names. Most Americans hardly suspect that daisy cutters, bunker busters, javelins and tomahawks can snuff out so many lives so mercilessly. American WMD’s such as depleted uranium shells that sound a bit more ominous, are never mentioned by the media, despite their long term killing ability. Neither has there been any outcry against the use of outlawed weapons such as napalm, an old friend from another time. The news networks did, however, hype those 500 pound bombs that flattened Fallujah – now there was a weapon to admire !

Of course, there never were any photos of the dead and dismembered women, children and old people who fell victim to the bombs. There were never even photos of our dead and dismembered troops who fell victim to the war itself. For many Americans, there continues to be an illusion of a bloodless war, with minimal collateral damage, with limited civilian casualties, and with surgical, smart weapons that miraculously know whom to kill. If only they knew.

There has to be a way to awaken decent and honorable Americans to the reality of war. There has to be a way to examine the methods that have been used to shape the way in which we accept the morality of weapons of war, and of war itself. We appeal to all good people to think about the media, about weapons of murder, and about the manipulation that has taken place regarding American morality.

Just listen closely to the TV performers who pose as journalists. Think about their persistent, nonstop message about war and its weaponry. As Americans, we are being conditioned, on a minute by minute basis, to take pride in America’s ability to destroy life on a massive scale. Our ability to kill in great numbers is broadcast as an achievement of American skill and might. The use of killing as a primary foreign policy tool is no longer a moral issue. The only questions that seem to matter are when and where Americans should kill, and how adept we must become at using more and more devastating weapons of war.

Take note of the way in which the tools of killing are sold to the public. Every new weapon technology is packaged by the news networks in a red white and blue wrapper. The messages imply that weapons, by their very existence, make us safer, not that these weapons kill in great numbers. The messages assure us that some mystical correlation exists between the destructive power of a weapon and our liberty.

The media marinate their messages in words such as freedom, national security and patriotism. They assure us American troops are the best fighting force in the world because they are best equipped to kill. They leave us with the conclusion that all who die at our hands are our enemies. But, in fact, there is no reality in the tools of war they sell. In fact, there is no humanity in the weapons they praise. And, after all is said and done, there is not a whit of morality in supporting a meaningless war or the weapons needed to wage it.

Are Americans really supposed to be proud and happy about the fact that we human beings are creating an endless array of devices designed to destroy life, to destroy this planet…and ultimately to destroy the very people who are proud and happy to know that they exist?

When our news media package a story about a new technology of death, do they ever remind us of the many innocent people die as a result of such weaponry? Do they ever stress that most people who die in war have nothing at all to do with starting the wars that kill them? Do they ever mention that in all of history only a handful of men have ever started a war, yet millions of people have died has a result?

When our news media reports on the defense budget of our government, do they ever ask why there is no budget for improving the technology of diplomacy? On a similar note, do the media ever present a conflict avoided in a manner that is meant to have to take pride in that?

The media have relentlessly brainwashed the American people to believe that the only way a real patriot can be proud of this country is if Americans are better able to kill (or defeat, as in sports), non-Americans.

We are also encouraged to enjoy killing on a small scale. When politicians hope to appear truly American, there is an obligation for them to be seen on the TV screen on a hunt. Hunting and killing animals for sport is considered all-American. This is a horrific statement about our humanity and our values. This is totally unrelated to killing animals for food. While there are surely some moral questions about the very act of eating meat, it pales in comparison to taking children in their formative years on a hunting trip to enjoy the kill. And yet, this is so typically an American family-values pursuit.

Think about that. The message is clear: it is anti-American to even question whether there is something wrong when people enjoy killing living animals. However, the fact that people are not horrified and remorseful after blowing a hole in a deer or a duck is a frightening prospect. But it may explain why so many Americans have become desensitized to some forms of death. It may also explain why so many Americans have no problem with war.

As a nation, we are subtly, if not directly being brainwashed to enjoy, appreciate and take pride in killing. Is this what America is really all about?

Today, we are witness to a war of choice, - planned and waged by a handful of men. The corporate news media promoted, supported, and benefited greatly from coverage of the war. They have, however, failed to question the morality of this or any war in which such terrifying weapons are celebrated as they kill so many people with who did not start the war in which they died .

Our news media very deftly created and now maintain a war mentality as they purport to report the news with some neutrality. Those who support war are portrayed as strong, unyielding and patriotic. Those who advocate other methods of problem solving between nations are accused of being weak, appeasing, and traitorous.

The groundwork has been laid for future wars, for greater weapons, and for more deaths of untold numbers of people who once again will have had no part in starting the wars in which they will die. The moral issues of war and killing have been swept aside in the frenzy that erupted after the attacks September 11th. They will not be revitalized by the media, nor will they be raised by our leaders in Washington. War is hell, and Americans have to confront its morality and its effectiveness in this world.

The alternative is to travel along the path that has been paved by the present administration and promoted at every step by the corporate media. The alternative is to abandon the morality that denounces murder and to embrace the falsehood that might makes right. The alternative will also lead this nation into the oblivion that awaits us, should we choose it."

Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:57 pm

Maurice -
Hopefully you realize that this thread is delivered with tongue firmly in cheek?

That said, I'm all for diplomacy in solving problems and preventing war. But there are elements in this world who won't respond to diplomacy, in fact they have disdain for it. In order to have freedom we have to have the means to keep ourselves free, namely weapons and those willing to put their lives on the line and use them.

The Jihadists are fanatics. They only fear one thing: Allah. We have to change that. We have to make them fear us! I'm now convinced that it may take a very drastic step to achieve that goal.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:38 pm

"The Jihadists are fanatics. They only fear one thing: Allah. We have to change that. We have to make them fear us! I'm now convinced that it may take a very drastic step to achieve that goal."

Pete, I see They are to fear you more than a God.

The whole world does already.

Christians could all pray for it to end. But it looks like faith in prayer no longer exists?

The answer? Lock up every cleric of every description and the world will be a far safer place. And you will get a landslide victory :lol:

We just have to laugh, to remain insane............... animals on an unfinished planet.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:57 pm

MauriceinIreland wrote:"The Jihadists are fanatics. They only fear one thing: Allah. We have to change that. We have to make them fear us! I'm now convinced that it may take a very drastic step to achieve that goal."

Pete, I see They are to fear you more than a God.


Not me personally Maurice, but rather western military might and resolve.

MauriceinIreland wrote:The whole world does already.


The Jihadists don't. We need to change that. And the 'whole world' has to start fearing radical Islam more than western military might - which has kept the world relatively safe for over half a century.

MauriceinIreland wrote:Christians could all pray for it to end. But it looks like faith in prayer no longer exists?


We do and it does. But we don't live in a theocracy. Our governments are secular and one of it's primary duties to it's citizens is to ensure their security.

MauriceinIreland wrote:The answer? Lock up every cleric of every description and the world will be a far safer place. And you will get a landslide victory :lol:


If we lock up all the clerks who will do our filing Maurice? :)

Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:07 pm

Pete, I'll let you have your fifteen minutes of fame..............but then it's Impeachment :lol:

Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:14 pm

Killjoy

Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:19 pm

Don't worry Mr. President.
You give the go-ahead, and my faithful legions of Green-Boot Tan-Shirt G-troopers will round up all the dissidents.

:twisted: That super-industrial furnace in New Mexico is almost ready.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:21 pm

EagleUSA wrote:Killjoy


Kill Kill Kill...............is that all you know?

My cousin lives in Kill ............................................................................................................................................................................................ county Kildare :roll:

Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:28 pm

As for me, your humble Vice President, I have just went out and purchased my orange hunting vest, a 12 gauge shotgun, and 6 cases of beer.

Anyone want to go hunting? Maurice??? :lol: :lol: :lol: :P :P :P

Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:31 pm

Maurice -
What did you figure on doing after your U.N. Ambassedorship came to an end? In other words, You're fired!

Somebody get LTB on the line. I've got a vacancy to fill. Oh, and we need to find a job for Scatter!

And one other thing: Someone call Pamela Anderson and ask her if she'd be interested in being my administrative assistent. I hear she's excellent at taking dictation.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 7:32 pm

Pete,

are you going to acknowledge me on this thread? :?

Or must I arrange a coo de-ta
:twisted:
(like Johnson did to Kennedy)

Tue Mar 14, 2006 7:33 pm

Hmmmnnnnnnnnn. Fired Huh. Just like that after loyal service. No pension I suppose.

OK. One telescopic sight, one loaded rifle, one handy knoll, bright sunny day............. 1300cc Harley....

Iranian reward....... my weight in gold.

EDIT. NOW! GG arrives.................................... Two loaded rifles.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 9:50 pm

Maurice wrote:
1300cc Harley....


Harley-Davidson only puts the 1300 on the Screamin' Eagle Destroyer...Somehow, I can't see you on this bike.

Image





The Twin Cam 88 and 88B - 1450 cc
The Revolution - 1130 cc
The Evo Sportster - 883 or 1200 cc
The Evolution - 1340 cc

Just an FYI in case you're looking to buy. They're all probably just a little too much horse for toolin' around the emerald isle.

Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:16 pm

Image

You may be right I need a Fast getaway :lol:

I'll pass on your info to the Harley Club here in Ireland ...they tour the world for charity. We usually get a lot of American bikers here for St Pat's day........in the Parade.

Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:55 am

Big Boss Man wrote:The Dube Administration:

President: Pete Dube
Vice President: Big Boss Man
Secretary Of State: Eagle USA
Secretary Of Defense: Genesim
Secretary Of Agriculture: Graceland Gardener
Secretary Of Education: Curtis Simpkins
Surgon General: Dr. John Carpenter
White House Interns: Titts Mghee, Elvisgirl, and Sam
Speach Writer/White House Chief of Staff: Rob
Press Secretary: Tom In North Carolina
UN Ambassador: spectacle


Now there's a force to reckon with!

Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:23 am

OK Pete.........what is my Cabinet Level position???

Undersecretary of State??

Undersecretary of Defense??

Undersecretary of the Interior??

Hell.........I'll get under any secretary you like :wink:

Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:56 pm

:lol: LOL

UnderSecretary of Upskirts.

Wed Mar 15, 2006 5:18 pm

Big Boss Man wrote:The Dube Administration:

President: Pete Dube
Vice President: Big Boss Man
Secretary Of State: Eagle USA
Secretary Of Defense: Genesim
Secretary Of Agriculture: Graceland Gardener
Secretary Of Education: Curtis Simpkins
Surgon General: Dr. John Carpenter
White House Interns: Titts Mghee, Elvisgirl, and Sam
Speach Writer/White House Chief of Staff: Rob
Press Secretary: Tom In North Carolina
UN Ambassador: spectacle


Maurice has been replaced with LTB. But Maurice isn't an American citizen in the first place, so he get's no severance pay! But hey, I'm a nice guy, so I'll give Maurice a sack of potatoes. You know how those Irish love their potatoes.

Director of Homeland Security: Scatter

I want Gregory Nolan Jr. for Secretary of Education. He'll get those transexuals out of our schools!

Wed Mar 15, 2006 5:53 pm

Note to self. There are more than 40 million Irish Americans. We Irish love children and usually have large families. Together with the Spanish we will own America in a few decades.

Pete will have been impeached by then for staining photos of Kate Bush!

Hello American farmers! Start growing more spuds :lol:

http://elvisbyterrywood.com/

New York is far too noisy anyway.

Likethebike, hope you like being woke up at 4am by garbage trucks, and constant police car sirens :wink: