Off Topic Messages

DIRTY JOKES

Sat Dec 31, 2005 4:31 am

these jokes are not for the faint hearted, but these are the real sidesplitters.

a man walked in to the ladie's department of David Jones and approached the woman behind the counter.'i'd liek to buy a bra for my wife', he said
'what type of bra?', said the woman
'type?', the man was suprised 'theres more than one type?'
'look around, but theres really only 3 types
the catholic type, the salvation army type, and the baptist type
the man asked 'whats the difference between them?
the catholic type supports the masses :lol:
the salvation army type lifts up the fallen :lol:
and the baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills :lol: :lol: :lol:

ah i was laughing while typing it, i still am

ok, now wheres some from you?

Sat Dec 31, 2005 6:56 pm

A guy walks into a doctors office with a frog on his head. The doctor says "well whats wrong with you?"

The frog replies..."it started with a bump on my ass!"

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:27 pm

Three gays are going on a picnic at the zoo......so they decide to have a little walk-around before settling down for the grub.

As they walk past the Gorilla enclosure, a big bad mutha of a gorilla grabs one of them, drags him into the cage, rips off his shreddies and gives him a good rogering, so bad that he ended up in hospital.

A week later his two buddies go to the hospital to see him.....When they get there he looks very upset so one of them asks him...."John, did the gorilla hurt you badly".......John replies " Well of course he did.....I gave him my number but he hasn't even phoned or texted me yet"

Sun Jan 01, 2006 12:12 am

This last one is very good and dirty! :lol: :lol:

Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:10 am

Two drunks are stumbling about at the zoo.

They come before the lion cage and their eyes focus and they see a big lion give out a roar.

"RRrroooaaarrrr"

One drunk says to the other, "Let's get the hell out of here."

"We can't leave now," the other drunk says, "The movie just started."


:lol:


old MGM joke.

Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:13 am

A blonde girl is sitting in a rowboat...

in the middle of a wheatfield.



Anothe blonde girl drives by on the country road,
and she sees the blonde in the rowboat.

Angered, she stops the car and yells, "Hey sister, you're giving blondes a bad name by being so stupid. If I could swim, I'd come over there and smack some sense into you."

Sun Jan 01, 2006 8:20 am

excellent contributions guys

a man and a woman were doing the dirty, the womans husbands car just parked out side. the woman said 'quick, hide in the bathroom!', and puts the mans clothes under the bed. her husband comes in. he is startled, 'honey, why are u undressed?'. the woman said 'i wanted to welcome you'. he said 'i just need to go to the bathroom, be back in 2 ticks'. before the woman could stop him, he's opened the door and saw the naked man. he said 'who the hell are you?'. the man explained. 'your wife called me for pest inspection, she says there have been too many moths, so she called me to get rid of them

the husband asked, 'well why are u undressed

and the man cried out ' the little bastards!


:lol:

keep em coming, keep em coming

Wed Jan 04, 2006 5:36 am

this one, in effect, is a dirty joke

a bird wanted to get up to the top of a tree, but he did'nt have the strength too. a bull said 'here, eat some of my dung, its packed full of nutrients'. with in 3 days of eating this dung each day after, the bird did get to the top of the tree. the next day a hunter spotted the bird and shot him

the moral of this story: bull sh*t may get you to the top, but it won't keep you there

:lol: :lol: :lol: