Off Topic Messages

How to spend a day at Wal-Mart

Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:42 pm

Found this online:

70 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and Candy"
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this sh*t, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I.Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
69. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming "
70. Drag some fishing line through the aisles, then watch as people trip over it

Tom

Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:19 pm

Sounds fun.. if you are up for it.. we have a date :shock: :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:21 pm

Better yet, if you can, the hell with going there, period..!
:twisted: :lol:

http://walmartwatch.com/

http://www.hel-mart.com/links.php

Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:34 pm

Rusty Martin* wrote:Sounds fun.. if you are up for it.. we have a date :shock: :wink:


I'm always up for you.

Tom

Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:35 pm

And what about her? :wink:
Image

Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:43 pm

Hey Tom, how would you spend a day at Fredricks of Hollywood? :lol:

Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:23 pm

Big Boss Man wrote:Hey Tom, how would you spend a day at Fredricks of Hollywood? :lol:


I`m sure once Tom and I were finished with Walmart..I could find him a nice basque for his next date with you :oops: :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:24 pm

About ten years ago three friends and I went to a 24-hour Walmart and two of us rode those cars. We just got in and started driving them around while shopping. A security guard came up and asked us if we need them. We said with a straight face that we had both hurt our ankles. After a while the two of us got out of the cars and pretended to limp out of the store with the help of the "able-bodied" friends. Good times...

Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:43 pm

Rusty Martin* wrote:I`m sure once Tom and I were finished with Walmart..I could find him a nice basque for his next date with you :oops: :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Okay, lets get this straight right now Crusty! :shock:

Tom and I do NOT date - we just have a relationship is all - GOT THAT! :lol: :lol:

Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:17 am

SO IT WAS JUST SEX TO YOU???? BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tom (I feel so used)

Sat Oct 22, 2005 1:49 am

Big Boss Man wrote:
Rusty Martin* wrote:I`m sure once Tom and I were finished with Walmart..I could find him a nice basque for his next date with you :oops: :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Okay, lets get this straight right now Crusty! :shock:

Tom and I do NOT date - we just have a relationship is all - GOT THAT! :lol: :lol:



I`ve never laughed so much....till I saw the next post....you guys are awesome....Love you xx :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sat Oct 22, 2005 1:54 am

That was great! :lol: lol!

Sat Oct 22, 2005 3:59 am

SO IT WAS JUST SEX TO YOU???


Is that what it was - I thought you were trying to demonstrate a new style of voga! :shock:
Last edited by Big Boss Man on Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sat Oct 22, 2005 5:04 am

do not be a nerd man.

When I'm at Walmart I strut down the aisles, givin' em smiles,
flip up my collar, make the chicks holler,
and getting a kiss, I tell it, not ask it,
and when I check out, I got dvds...in the basket

aaayyyyyy 8)









352rwefiefggdidntgetkickedoutoffeccggwillinglyquit0250-4-as924llwie-
owoqwggisstillhereandkickingass39asaz239422332;llll]o]-33113





:idea: sit on it.
Last edited by Fonzie on Thu Apr 20, 2006 7:32 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Sat Oct 22, 2005 6:01 am

when i'm at walmart, i end up hanging out in the dvd/cd section, the makeup/hair dye section, or the junk food section.

then i get to the barbie section... :lol:

oh, and i usually get dragged into the cat food section for friskies.

i like costco better. walmart doesn't have free food. :lol:

Sat Oct 22, 2005 7:25 pm

Fonzie wrote:do not be a nerd man.


Well, well, well, looks like this moron has returned. I guess he'll be posting as Dr. Johnny Fever as well before we know it. What an idiotic wannabe.

Tom

Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:31 pm

Tom in North Carolina wrote:
Fonzie wrote:do not be a nerd man.


Well, well, well, looks like this moron has returned. I guess he'll be posting as Dr. Johnny Fever as well before we know it. What an idiotic wannabe.

Tom


Looks like a Walmart employee with too much time on his hands!

Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:38 pm

My guess is that this guy couldn't pass the entrance exam to Wal-Mart's employee school.

Tom

Sun Oct 23, 2005 8:01 am

Elvis' Babe wrote:oh, and i usually get dragged into the cat food section for friskies.

Friskies? Eeeewwww! Do you have one of those rare and exotic corn-lovin' kitties? Cuz there's surely no meat in Friskies! But there is:
Ground yellow corn, corn gluten meal, chicken by-product meal, meat and bone meal, animal fat, corn germ meal, soybean meal, turkey by-product meal, brewers dried yeast, phosphoric acid, animal digest

Also, per the FDA, Friskies probably does contain some PENTOBARBITAL, a barbituate used to euthanize animals:
The ingredients Meat and Bone Meal (MBM), Beef and Bone Meal (BBM), Animal Fat (AF), and Animal Digest (AD) are rendered or hydrolyzed from animal sources that could include euthanized animals

My kitties are just your average obligate carnivores - that means they require real meat, so they've never seen a package of corn-wheat-barbituate flavored Friskies.

It never hurts for pet owners to learn a little bit about pet food!

Eileen