Ernie's Import Lp Corner

Elvis' Greatest Shit

This review had to come at some point, and I just can’t help but laugh when thinking of this LP!!  “ Elvis’ Greatest Sh*t ” was released in 1980 on the Dog Vomit SUX-005 label. The funny thing is, the title of this LP is a very fair description!!  A collection of most of Elvis’ worst songs, in excellent quality mind you, combined with a number of underhanded “ promotional remarks ” on the cover makes for a great laugh!!  Weather or not the Dog Vomit Sux label is actually “ a subsidiary of Dead Obese Guy Enterprises ” is debatable…LOL!!  There are some fans who may be upset by any offensive remark aimed toward Elvis. Must it be reiterated that years of prescription drug abuse lead to the King’s demise, and that towards the end of his career, some concert stands were hard pressed to find a level of performance that was befitting the title of “ King of Rock N Roll ”?  While I am certainly not one to make fun of people, a little jeering aimed in the direction of a man who had become only a shadow of his former self and pilled himself into an early grave is not unwarranted considering the incredible irresponsibility that lead to the end of Elvis’ life. Elvis certainly was not the first, and unfortunately will not be the last; but a life of fame and fortune is not a license for any talented (or untalented for that matter ) individual to throw it all away. And while I certainly would have hoped if Elvis had lived on he would have “ gotten his sh*t together ”, the answer is already present in the fact that in the years prior to 1977 he had had numerous opportunities to do just that…and had neither the will-power nor the inclination to do so.  So the result of August 16th, 1977 is case in point of the proverb that “ one reaps what one sows ”. 

The producers behind this LP pull out all of the stops, as if the purpose is simply to get a reaction and a ruffle out of those who don’t know when to laugh. The sub-title of the LP is a good start: “ 50,000,000 Elvis Fans CAN Be Wrong ”; and lets continue with “ * denotes previously unreleased recording (mono) all other selections are the regular f---ed-up versions ”; and how about “ Extra Added Bonus !!  Free Inside: A Prescription signed by Dr. Nick ”. And the back of the LP cover goes further with four fake adds for four fake albums: “ The Shower Sessions ”, “ The Elvis Comedy Album ”, “ Dead on Stage in Las Vegas, Aug 20th 1977 ”, and “ Vocal Duets ” ( featuring Former President Nixon ).  This LP cover is graced with the photo of Elvis in his casket from the viewing at Graceland. I saw an interview with, I believe it was, the president of the National Enquirer at the time and as the story goes the tabloid paid one of Elvis’ step-brothers ( the sum of $20,000 I think ) to snap the photo of Elvis in his casket. Pretty sick, but so goes it. 

There have been at least 4 pressings of this LP.  I have two, the first is on semi gloss stock and has the front page of the psuedo-tabloid framed by a slightly gray surrounding, with the TCB logo, Bonus-bubble etc in red ink. On the back, the record label “ Dog Vomit ” logo ( I guess Nipper either had a bad bowl of Alpo the night before, or doesn’t like Enrique Caruso playing on the Victrola…hence barfing into the horn of the Victrola ), the LP title and three of the star graphics in red. This LP is black vinyl and the label is black with silver text with large “ Dog Vomit ” text and graphic. The second version I have is on glossy stock, the border surrounding the psuedo-tabloid is much darker gray, and overall the graphics are much darker; the red ink used on front and back is more of a maroon shade. This LP is on green splash swirl vinyl ( per the “ Limited Edition Coloured Vinyl ” sticker on the front cover ), the label is red with black text in exactly the same layout as the other version I have. The trail-off designations are completely different between the two versions. A third version of the LP that I know of has the cover of the first one as described above, but the LP label is blank white. A fourth version of this LP is credited to the RCA Victim label; the front cover has the border around the psuedo-tabloid in green, with the TCB logo and Bonus-bubble in green on the front and the RCA Victim label logo with barfing-Nipper in green on the back; along with one of the stars to the left of the LP title and the series of stars below the “ Miracle Surface ” advertisement. The LP label is black with silver text, credited to RCA Victim. All three versions of the LP that have label graphics have the script “ The King of Rock ‘N’ Roll???  You’ve gotta be kidding! ” under the barfing Nipper logo…CLASSIC!! 

Side 1: (1) Old MacDonald Had A Farm – waste of time (2) Ito Eats – silly song from Blue Hawaii (3) There’s No Room to Rumba in a Sports Car – what kid of crap is this? (4) Confidence – at least the kids singing along sound cute (5) Yoga is as Yoga Does – ugh!! (6) Song of the Shrimp – stupid (7) US Male – good tongue in cheek song from the sessions with Jerry Reed (8) Fort Lauderdale Chamber of Commerce – bad movie song (9) Signs of the Zodiac – another bad movie song (10) The Bullfighter was a Lady – a third bad movie song ( I’m running out of negative adjectives ) (11) Wolf Call – HORRIBLE (12) Can’t Help Falling In Love – opps, got some fun stuff here with an alternate take of the movie version. 

Side 2: (1) He’s Your Uncle Not Your Dad – crap (2) Scratch My Back Then I’ll Scratch Yours – could the title for this pathetic song be any longer? (3) The Walls Have Ears – NO THEY DON’T…and if they do, hopefully no one is playing this song!! (4) Poison Ivy League – shall I say crappy again? (5) Beach Boy Blues – actually an OK song (6) Dominic the Impotent Bull – need I say any more!!! (7) Queenie Wahine’s Papaya – truly the best of the worst!! (8) Do the Clam (Clambake) Medley – why did they bother?…either one are bad enough on their own!! (9) Datin’ – stupid song, but classic bored-Elvis sounding like a laughing wino!! (10) Are You Lonesome Tonight – the 1977-laughing version that is quite sad, unlike the flat-out hysterical 1969-laughing version. 

Now if I were to update this LP I would swap a few selections out. “ US Male ”, “ Can’t Help Falling in Love ”,  “ Beach Boy Blues ”, “ Are You Lonesome Tonight? ” don’t meet a level low enough to be included here. But I have hand selected any of the following tunes as replacements, and my picks for the highly awaited Volume 2!! 

Do the Vega, I’ve Got to Find My Baby, Do the Clam, Petunia the Gardener’s Daughter, Smorgasbord, Shake That Tambourine, She’s A Machine, Clambake, The Wiffenpoof Song, Easy Come-Easy Go, The Love Machine, Double Trouble, Adam and Evil, Beach Shack, A Dog’s Life, Stop Where You Are, Harem Holiday, Wisdom of the Ages, Kismet, Animal Instinct, Hard Knocks, Carney Town, Barefoot Ballad, We’re Coming in Loaded, Cotton Candy Land, Steadfast Loyal and True, Hey Jude ( great song, but Elvis’ version just sucks ), Patch It Up, Love Song of the Year, Three Corn Patches, Have A Happy. 

So there you have it, for the most part, this certainly is “Elvis’ Greatest Sh*t”!!

Ernie Boyes Jr.